i don't know what the issue is, but i can't fucking stand it. they literally feel like i'm going to lose it.
they were happening a few days ago & i popped a xanax that i got. i hadn't taken them before, but i had some. i wasn't sure how they were going to effect me, but i calmed down.
now i'm just waiting for this one to work. i hope it doesnt take too long. i'm freak'n out.
i know, i know, i hafta "just breath"... but it's not easy.
anyway... i've been trying to keep myself distracted & i ended up hunting for new communities.
i found a bunch of good ones, but i always end up feeling like either it's so far established that i'm too much of an outsider.
i'm still so nervous about joining & even more nervous about ever posting to a community again. i'm still so haunted by the attack that was sprung upon me [ya, over a year ago] when i opened my mouth, saying that i was looking for a friend.
i think i found a great community, but it's very new. there are only a few posts, but i like what the journals of the girls who started it say.
it's called thin line life.
the URL is:
i sent a request to join, but i haven't heard back yet.
i think... my heart rate... may be calmed down.
i'll write more soon. i'm gunna go see if i can find more friends.
i've been so lonely...
if anyone reading this is a newly requested friend, please know, i'm just a chick in her early 20s, living with her boyfriend, who doesn't know her biggest secret. i just moved across the states & i have no friends. my only real true 100% friend lives 2,000 miles away & has a seriously busy life.
i just need to find some people who understand the daily struggles i have. if you're that person, please, accept my friend request.
thank you loves.
--- i may not be a drowning townie, anymore, but im still treading the waters. i guess you could say i'm "treading newbie" haha.
maybe i'll get some sleep if my xanax works its magic soon.